


If the Seas Catch Fire

by UchiHime



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, Future Fic, M/M, Mentions Cancer, Mpreg, Tissue Warning, mentions abortion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-16
Updated: 2013-04-16
Packaged: 2017-12-08 15:28:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/762979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UchiHime/pseuds/UchiHime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles makes a decision that could ruin his relationship with Derek forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If the Seas Catch Fire

**Author's Note:**

> A quick fic based off [this RP](http://logs.omegle.com/aae8033) I had on omegle. This is technically my first Teen Wolf fic. Eventually, more of my Teen Wolf fics will be posted on my tumblr blog [AdderallWolves](http://adderallwolves.tumblr.com). In the meantime, forgive my shameless self promotion and check out my other Tumblr blogs (the links to which can be found on AdderallWolves).
> 
> Title comes from the e.e. cummings quote: “trust your heart if the seas catch fire, live by love though the stars walk backward.”
> 
> Also, this is un'beta'd and typed straight into AO3. I have not read through it. Expect mistakes and maybe forgive them for now. I'll go through and edit it later.

"Why are you wearing so much of this stuff?" Derek asked, wrinkling his nose and pulling away from Stiles.

Stiles pasted a large smile across his face. "It was gift from my dad; I can't not wear it." He knew Derek wouldn't be able to tell his lie, because it wasn't actually a lie. The cologne really had been a gift from his dad. He'd gotten it for his birthday two years ago. He'd never worn it in all the time he'd had it, because he knew Derek didn't like him wearing cologne. It masked his natural scent and displeased the wolf. 

"I don't like it," Derek said, affirming Stiles' thoughts. "I can't smell you."

"It was a _gift_ ," Stiles said again, emphasizing the last word so that Derek would assume he'd attached some sentimentality to the stuff.

"Can you at least wear less of it?" Derek asked, his face schooling itself into a scowl. The amount of cologne Stiles had been putting on every day was offensive to humans, nevermind the werewolf's extra sensitive nose. The first few days wearing it, Stiles had walked around with a horrible headache because the scent was so strong, but he needed it to be strong. If he wore a normal amount, Derek might be able to smell passed it and actually get a wiff of Stiles' own scent, then he would know the truth before Stiles was ready to tell him. "And do you really need to wear it to bed?"

Stiles rolled his eyes and pressed himself closer to Derek, enjoying the way they slotted perfectly together like puzzle pieces. Moving hurt him. It ached down to his bones, but he ingnored the pain. "I'll tone it down a bit," he lied, keeping his tone light and flippant so that Derek wouldn't pay too much attention and see right through it. He pressed his mouth against Derek's shoulder and bit down on it lightly. Derek let out a soft groan. Stiles smiled and swept his tongue across the abused flesh.

"Good," Derek said. In one smooth movement, he rolled over and on top of Stiles, pinning him down to the bed, but supporting himself on his elbows so that all his weight wouldn't be on the fragile human. Even without werewolf strength, it would have been much to easy for Derek to move Stiles. He'd lost so much weight lately, more than what could be attributed to a symptom of his pregnancy, but no one had noticed or commented, thankfully. "I like being able to smell you and baby." He moved his lips across Stiles' jawline to his neck, pressing them right below his chin and breathing deeply as he felt Stiles' pulse.

Stiles sighed and pushed Derek off of him. There was no way Derek had missed the way his heart has stuttered at those last words, though he'd probably thought it a flutter of excitement. "I decided not to keep the baby," Stiles stated, moving out from under Derek and scooting as far away as he could without falling out of the bed. He curled onto his side and pressed his palm against this belly, feeling where that tiny spark of life was growing inside of him.

There was a moment of heavy silence while Derek tried to comprehend exactly what he'd just heard. "You what?" Derek asked. Stiles couldn't quite read his tone. It was a mix of disbelief and confusion, with maybe just a hint of anger creeping in. 

Stiles buried his face into his pillow and squeezed his eyes tightly closed. He took a deep, fortifying breath, before sitting up and facing his husband. "I've decided that a baby now would be inconvenient and that I would whether wait a few years."

"You got an abortion," Derek accused, nothing in his voice except utter fury. "That's why you're wearing that damn cologne, trying to cover up the fact that you killed my child."

 _If only_ , Stiles thought absently. "I didn't get an abortion," he told the furious wolf. "Not yet. I've made an appoitment for next week."

"Cancel it." It came out almost pleadingly, despite the fact that Stiles could tell Derek had meant it to be domineering and final. "You're not killing my child."

"No, I can't," Stiles said. There was an ache in his heart that was becoming almost unbearable. He tried to ignore it, but it resonated like the sound of a siren ripping through a silent night. "I'm sorry," he added. It was the truth. He couldn't keep the baby and he was so sorry for that.

"Why not?" Derek demanded to know.

"Because it's a burden and I can't do it." This was a lie, but Stiles was counting on Derek being too worked up to tell.

"Our child is a _burden_?" Derek spat the last word like it was something vile and disgusting, a thick miasma that destroyed all it touched. "You don't get to make this decision. I want this baby!"

"Actually, I do get to make this decision, seeing as it's my body and I decide what I want to do with it. And I've decided not to have a baby." Stiles tried to keep his tone even and detached. He couldn't believe the words falling from his lips.

"But it's my kid! My family! I have no one else and you're just going to take this from me."

Derek looked so heartbroken and Stiles would give anything to make him feel better. "This isn't easy for me either, Derek. I wanted this kid, but I just can't right now."

"Why not?" The attempt at comfort immediately came back and bit Stiles in the ass. "Why can't you have my child?"

"My reasons are my own and they don't concern you."

"It's _my_ child and you were _my_ mate!" Stiles flinched at those words, though they really shouldn't have surprised him. How could he expect Derek to continue seeing him as a mate when he was talking about destroying their family.

"And it's my body and my reasons," Stiles said back calmly. "Maybe one day you'll forgive me..."

"Never," Derek cut him off. "If you kill my child, I will never forgive you."

"Derek, please," Stiles pleaded, letting more emotion slip into his voice than he'd meant. "We could always try for another child later."

"Why would I possibly want to have another child with you when you'll just decide on a whim that it's a burden and kill it to."

"I didn't decide this on a whim," Stiles spat. "You have no idea how long I've been tearing myself up about this. I've done everything I can to make it possible to keep this baby. I wanted this so badly. I know how important family is to you and I wanted to give you that. I still want to give you that and I really wish I could, but I can't right now. I can't and I'm sorry and I'm probably going to hate myself forever after this, but this is the decision I've made."

"But why?" Derek asked, no longer yelling, in fact his voice had dropped to a barely audible level making all his hurt resound loud and clear. "Why was it even a question. You were happy when you found out you were pregnant. You were more excited than I was. Why are you doing this now?"

Stiles sighed. "I can't tell you."

"You're killing my child and you can't even tell me why."

"It'll just upset you," Stiles said. He felt small, very small. Tiny and insignificant and broken. And he shrank ever smaller under the heat of Derek's gaze. 

"Stiles, there is nothing you can say that would upset me more than killing my baby."

Small and insignificant. "Please don't make me say."

Derek glared at him. "I'm losing my patience with you, Stiles. Just tell me. Tell me now, or I swear to god..."

"The cancer came back, ok," Stiles rushed out, cutting off whatever Derek was about to threaten. "The cancer came back and it already metastasized and if I don't start treament soon I will die, but this early in the pregnancy both chemo and radiation therapy could be harmful to the baby so I had to make a decision. I'm sorry I chose the selfish one."

Another heavy silence hung in the air. Derek stared at Stiles, shock and disbelief written across his face. His posture softened a bit, no longer overtly hostile towards the human.

Cancer.

It was a monster they'd fought before. When Stiles was eighteen and his relationship with Derek had just really shifted towards something more than friends. Derek had actually been the one to tell him that he was sick. He had smelled the illness on him. He'd offered to bite Stiles then. And Stiles had been so tempted, so very tempted. Just one bite and the illness would be gone. The monster that had taken his mother away from him would be held at bay. A miracle cure. But Stiles had refused. He'd refused the bite and had instead faced the cancer like we would any enemy: with pure stubborness and an unfaltering will to live. Derek had stayed by his side the entire time. Calling him an idiot for putting himself through this when there was another option available, but taking as much of the pain from him as he could.

The smell of the pregnancy had masked the scent of illness on him this time. Stiles had found out about it during a check up. It was acute onset and a mastasized quickly. There was so many hormones fluctuating in his body right now, he wasn't surprised Derek hadn't been able to smell what the cancer was doing to him. He was actually glad for that. He didn't want Derek to have to find out about him being sick like that. That was the reason he'd started wearing the cologne. Once this hormones leveled out from the pregnancy, the cancer's scent would be more noticable, so he tried to mask it as best he could.

"Why didn't you tell me?" There was pain in Derek's voice.

"Because I knew it would upset you. And you were so happy about the baby, I didn't want to ruin that. And, because I knew you would offer to bite me and get even more upset when I refused and then start treating my like some fragile thing."

"Refuse? You can't possibly refuse the bite this time, Stiles! The effectiveness of treatment drops when cancer comes out of remission, but the bite is almost one-hundred percent effective. It can save both you and the baby. Why the hell would you refuse it!"

"If the bite doesn't turn me, it'll kill me anyway. It's fifty-fifty chance and it scares me."

"And killing our baby doesn't scare you?"

"It scares the shit out of me," Stiles admitted. "It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do and it hurts so much more than this disease. But we can always try for another baby, Derek. Death and the bite are both permanent."

"You're wrong," Derek stated. "We can't try for another baby. Why would I want to have a child with you when you're willing to kill this one even though there's an option where both of you survive?"

"You're being unfair. I'm being selfish, but you're being unfair. Cancer is a battle I've fought before. I know I can beat it; I'm too stubborn to let it win. But the bite is something different. Everything is up in the air with it. It scares me so much. And it'll change me. I like me the way I am. I don't want to change."

"The only thing that would change is that you and our baby will both live. You will still be you afterwards and our baby would be alive. Where's the downside to this?"

"Derek, this is hard enough without you sending me on a guilt trip."

"Stiles, this is your baby. How could killing it even be an option?"

"I know it's my baby and I'll probably regret this decision for the rest of my life, but it's my choice. Not yours. I've known I was sick a lot longer than you and I've weighed my options. I've made my decision and I'm going to stick with it."

"Fine. Don't listen to me. You never do anyway." Derek sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "I... I can't watch you go through this again. It was hard enough seeing you hurt the first time, I can't do it again. And I'm not going to forgive you for killing our child. I'll pay for your treatment, but then I'm gone."

"So, I'm going to lose you, too. Just because I decided to be selfish for once in my life."

"Stiles, I've already lost my entire family. Now you're telling me my child isn't even going to get a chance to live. And you expect me to sit at your bedside watching you die? I can't do that."

"Then I shouldn't even bother with treatment. If I lose you and the baby, I have nothing left to live for." Stiles stared down at the beadspread, resignation in both his tone and posture.

"Now you're being unfair. You're not allowed to give up now. You've made your decision, remember. Now you're going to live with that decision. And I'm going to live with mine."

Tiny. He just felt so tiny. Small. Insignificant. Insecure. Lost. "Maybe it's a good thing I'm losing you. Fewer people left to mourn if the cancer comes back later and kills me."

"Don't say that. Not to me. Not to anyone. You don't get to say that. You're too fucking stubborn to die. You've beat cancer before and you'll do it again as many times as you need to."

"But cancer took my mother away from me. And you saw for yourself what it did to Gerard Argent. He was so desperate for a cure he was willing to do anything, even destroy his family. I'm already destroying my family. Best I let go of what's left of it now. That way no one will hurt when I'm gone."

"Stiles," his tone was soft, pleading. "The bite won't do anything but save you and our child. We could be together forever and raise our child. We could be happy. Why are you turning all of that down?" 

Stiles chewed on his lower lip and plucked at a loose thread on the bedspread. "I..." He tried to find the words to explain how he was feeling. "I've turned the bite down so many times, I almost feel like it's not even an option for me anymore. How many years have I been saying I didn't need the bite and then proving that again and again. I've always felt so proud being a human in a wolfpack. I never needed the bite to fight my battles before. And now I do need it. And that makes me not want it. Because it means I'm not good enough. Human Stiles isn't good enough. And that hurts more than you could understand. It hurts, because no matter how strong I think I am, I'm not strong enough for this."

"Stiles..."

Silence descended over the room. Stiles stared down at the bedspread, picking at the loose thread incessantly. Tugging it harder and harder, wrapping it tightly around his finger and feeling his blood pulse beneath it, watching the pattern on the spread unravel.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So, there you have it. My "first" Teen Wolf fic. Keep in mind, I plan to come back and clean it up later, otherwise critique is more than welcomed.


End file.
